Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone..
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business .
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
The ten commandments and stuff...
Im confused...my aunt was away for a week...upon her return she is hunting for the phone which she finds in her fourteen year pld sons room...Upon finding the phone something promted her to go through the gallery... She found pictures of said son naked with his erect penis and pictures of other naked chicks...anyway point is she is very traumatised and thinks her son is the spawn of the devil...Anyway so the big question among the mothers is "why was he masterbating?" I put it down to being old fashioned...but after having a few discussions with my friends the question became "is masterbation a sin?". Is there anywhere in the bible that it says do not masterbate? Someone HELP!
Friday, April 17, 2009
What is to become of the Mills n Boon heroine?
Remember when she was some irritating lil chit back in the day who loved to hate the devastatingly good looking hero until he finally "undid" her with his kiss and they lived happily ever after? As in there was no sex in that book and they didnt even touch or anything...
Then in line with the times a couple of sex scenes were thrown into the books and the lil chit became independent and more daring...All very entertaining.
Then I got this mills and boon that I was reading last night and I was positively scandalised. The title has to do with something about becoming a Sicilian billionaires mistress...It started of ok with her being a cleaner in his office and he was tired of women throwing themselves at him so would he go to a dinner with him and be some sort of decoy...So that went well then he wanted to shag and she wanted to be fed before shagging so he took her to dinner. In bed he propositions her "will u b my mistress?". She didnt really front she says ok. Mind you this is the 1st ten pages of the book. the next 100 go on and on about their sex life and how he offers to buy her clothes...she resists VERY weakly (wat kinda MB heroine does that?) next he is offering her money she accepts with lil protest coz he gran fel n hurt her wrist so she needs a helper...then she wakes up one day decides she cant b a mistress anymore...he offers her more money she refuses, he is shocked til he realises he loves her and wants to marry her (this is in the last 2 pages) and they live happily ever after...That was positively pornographic...
Then in line with the times a couple of sex scenes were thrown into the books and the lil chit became independent and more daring...All very entertaining.
Then I got this mills and boon that I was reading last night and I was positively scandalised. The title has to do with something about becoming a Sicilian billionaires mistress...It started of ok with her being a cleaner in his office and he was tired of women throwing themselves at him so would he go to a dinner with him and be some sort of decoy...So that went well then he wanted to shag and she wanted to be fed before shagging so he took her to dinner. In bed he propositions her "will u b my mistress?". She didnt really front she says ok. Mind you this is the 1st ten pages of the book. the next 100 go on and on about their sex life and how he offers to buy her clothes...she resists VERY weakly (wat kinda MB heroine does that?) next he is offering her money she accepts with lil protest coz he gran fel n hurt her wrist so she needs a helper...then she wakes up one day decides she cant b a mistress anymore...he offers her more money she refuses, he is shocked til he realises he loves her and wants to marry her (this is in the last 2 pages) and they live happily ever after...That was positively pornographic...
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The mask I wear
The Mask I Wear
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
masks that I'm afraid to take off
and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
but don't be fooled, for God's sake, don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name
and coolness my game,
that the water's calm
and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.
But don't believe me. Please!
My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weaknesses
and fear exposing them.
That's why I frantically create my masks
to hide behind.
They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades
to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only salvation, and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
and if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
I dislike hiding, honestly
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing,
the superficial phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and me.
But I need your help, your hand to hold
Even though my masks would tell you otherwise
That glance from you is the only thing that assures me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh
and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing,
that I'm just no good
and you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a facade of assurance without,
And a trembling child within.
So begins the parade of masks,
The glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's nothing
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying
Please listen carefully and try to hear
what I'm not saying
Hear what I'd like to say
but what I can not say.
It will not be easy for you,
long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
Despite what books say of men, I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
you wonder who I am
you shouldn't
for I am everyman
and everywoman
who wears a mask.
Don't be fooled by me.
At least not by the mask I wear.
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
masks that I'm afraid to take off
and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
but don't be fooled, for God's sake, don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name
and coolness my game,
that the water's calm
and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.
But don't believe me. Please!
My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weaknesses
and fear exposing them.
That's why I frantically create my masks
to hide behind.
They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades
to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only salvation, and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
and if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
I dislike hiding, honestly
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing,
the superficial phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and me.
But I need your help, your hand to hold
Even though my masks would tell you otherwise
That glance from you is the only thing that assures me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh
and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing,
that I'm just no good
and you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a facade of assurance without,
And a trembling child within.
So begins the parade of masks,
The glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's nothing
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying
Please listen carefully and try to hear
what I'm not saying
Hear what I'd like to say
but what I can not say.
It will not be easy for you,
long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
Despite what books say of men, I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
you wonder who I am
you shouldn't
for I am everyman
and everywoman
who wears a mask.
Don't be fooled by me.
At least not by the mask I wear.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Do men like this still exist? Seriously!
I come to work on Mopnday morning and a collegue of mine is pretty upset. So i say whats the matter? And the whole story comes rushing out. The poor girl is 5months pregnant...1st pregnancy. Anywa she says to the dude i need a gynea and I need to sort out where Ima be havin the baby...So the gynea costs about USD350. He says well i dont have any money...She says so what do u want me to do and he says God will take care of u. So she says ya but we have to put in some effort. Besides he took out a loan at work to go to SA. Not to mention she bought all teh baby stuff with her own money. Then he says that was coz u wanted a stove...u shud have saved the money for the gynea. So she says this is my 1st pregnancy Im pretty far along what if something happens? He says then go to a provincial hospital e.g Harare hospital and she says hell no! Then he says u always want flamboyant things thats your problem. And the man has the nerve to say "why were u opening your legs in the 1st place". Bearing in mind he was the one who kept complaining as to why she wasnt pregnant yet and that he wanted a baby...they have been married since last year August. Im so MAD! They guy didnt even take her for her 1st scan...He was "working". Never mind the fact that she was having back-pains and didnt know what it was all about he was just too busy...
So to top of the story which happened this morning she says I have to go to work and he is refusing to let her out the dor. So she pushes him and rips his shirt ion the process and walks out. Dude sends a message saying, I want you to replace my shirt. WTF???????????????
Africans are a problem...
So to top of the story which happened this morning she says I have to go to work and he is refusing to let her out the dor. So she pushes him and rips his shirt ion the process and walks out. Dude sends a message saying, I want you to replace my shirt. WTF???????????????
Africans are a problem...
The best kitchen tea ever
Where on earth did the idea of kitchen tea parties hail from?
This weekend I attended one such shindig for a friend of mine. When I first heard about it I was not looking forward to the words of wisdom ranging from 'be nice to your mother in law come hell come high water' to 'always make sure the dishes are done' and I certainly was not lookin forward to the sex session...
So my friend picks me up and we made our way to the venue (brides house or ex-house) and her mum immediately says please make the punch alky and non-alky...So I was like cool and I began on my concoction of wine/brandy and goodness knows what else. Im done I open the freezer looking for space to chill what I thought was a damn good punch...Oh yes lets not forget the non-alky one.
I open this freezer and there was no space at all due to the six packs and six packs of beers...I was like goodness do they sell booze here? Had to resort to getting ice for my punches as there clearly wasnt any room for them in there...
Off went the church ladies and "the others" continued drinkin more freely now...Screaming for a radio, singing rude songs, dancing in ways Im sure you do not want to see your mother dancing. I tell you any bar on the night of a major soccer match had nothing on what was happening in the mother of the brides living room...This was now around 8pm and granny sumin was still goin strong wit her largers...I cant even describe in words how crazy these ladies were. I sat and looked wondering if this is what I would be doing 20 odd years from now..Even assigned personalities to each of my friends.
The party couldnt end of course with out a few words from a couple of "aunties" on you know what...Im telling you in this day and age they should seriously consider droppin that topic...Im pretty sure by the time most people get round to actually getting married they will have done all that and more.
All in all it was great! I think we should have them like this more often non of this boring sitting pretending to be shy and all knowledgable! We all have party animals inside us screaming to get out! Let them out for goodness sake thats why its called a kitchen tea PARTY!
This weekend I attended one such shindig for a friend of mine. When I first heard about it I was not looking forward to the words of wisdom ranging from 'be nice to your mother in law come hell come high water' to 'always make sure the dishes are done' and I certainly was not lookin forward to the sex session...
So my friend picks me up and we made our way to the venue (brides house or ex-house) and her mum immediately says please make the punch alky and non-alky...So I was like cool and I began on my concoction of wine/brandy and goodness knows what else. Im done I open the freezer looking for space to chill what I thought was a damn good punch...Oh yes lets not forget the non-alky one.
I open this freezer and there was no space at all due to the six packs and six packs of beers...I was like goodness do they sell booze here? Had to resort to getting ice for my punches as there clearly wasnt any room for them in there...
So the part starts and no-one seems interested in the punch...rather the beers come out...I ws like uh...okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...There was a granny sumin looked like she had seen the better part of 70 in her heels, a shock of white hair on her head asking for a larger...Soon all the mothers were swigging away, voices started getting louder slowly but surely, insults being tossed about ladies began getting rowdy...Then the church ladies pitched in their uniforms dampening e atmosphere for about 45mins while they ate and imparted the dreaded words of wisdom...They sang two lovely church songs as they departed and the other ladies stood up hands glued to their beers singing and dancing along and taking a swig every so often. I tell you i was looking and thinking what is wrong with this picture?
Off went the church ladies and "the others" continued drinkin more freely now...Screaming for a radio, singing rude songs, dancing in ways Im sure you do not want to see your mother dancing. I tell you any bar on the night of a major soccer match had nothing on what was happening in the mother of the brides living room...This was now around 8pm and granny sumin was still goin strong wit her largers...I cant even describe in words how crazy these ladies were. I sat and looked wondering if this is what I would be doing 20 odd years from now..Even assigned personalities to each of my friends.
The party couldnt end of course with out a few words from a couple of "aunties" on you know what...Im telling you in this day and age they should seriously consider droppin that topic...Im pretty sure by the time most people get round to actually getting married they will have done all that and more.
All in all it was great! I think we should have them like this more often non of this boring sitting pretending to be shy and all knowledgable! We all have party animals inside us screaming to get out! Let them out for goodness sake thats why its called a kitchen tea PARTY!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
My most complex relationship
Vee and shoes. Present and those to come. We have an extremely complex relationship. I am happy to say as I'm journeying through this quest to understand wat on earth is going on in life, I have established an intricate connection between my shoes and my well-being! Have you ever noticed how if you shoes are in disarray, need re-healing or the white parts of patterned shoes are dirty your life is out of control?
The whole process of cleaning, tidying re-healing and whatever else takes hours and is cost (esp in this country!) but well worth it for a calm and composed life...
The whole process of cleaning, tidying re-healing and whatever else takes hours and is cost (esp in this country!) but well worth it for a calm and composed life...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Procreation, rumour has it and other things...
So I dont think I will be having children...The maths of it just will not add up! Im about 26, this means if everything goes well i will be having my first child at 30 which means when that child is 20 I will be 50. So at 50 I should be workin my a** of to put my first child through varsity and goodness knows how many else after that through various stages of education???I dont think that works...I will just ahve to not have children one is supposed to be retired at 50 surely...
Anyway I was jsut wondering how funny it is how much people have to say about one. Actually speaking like u r the best of buddies and yet its someone really random like yo ex-boyfriends ex-girlfriend or something informing the world about you. People need to get lives...
So the New Zealand cricketers wont be visiting Zim til 2010 coz its "unsafe" what is that supposed to mean? Whats so unsafe about Zim? lets compare with South Africa you are not at risk of getting mugged, knifed, mauled nd all those awful things we hear about on the news ao?????
Anyway I was jsut wondering how funny it is how much people have to say about one. Actually speaking like u r the best of buddies and yet its someone really random like yo ex-boyfriends ex-girlfriend or something informing the world about you. People need to get lives...
So the New Zealand cricketers wont be visiting Zim til 2010 coz its "unsafe" what is that supposed to mean? Whats so unsafe about Zim? lets compare with South Africa you are not at risk of getting mugged, knifed, mauled nd all those awful things we hear about on the news ao?????
Tsuro nsgudo
Remember these???
Paivapo tsuro na gudo
Gudo aive nehuchi hwake
akahucherera pasi kuti vamwe vasadye
tsuro akazviona
akachera gomba akaisa madota
tsuro akadya huchu
Gudo akadaidza kuti adtye akaramba achiti achadya hake zvepasi
Gudo akaenda pagomba pake
akabva a kweva dota
Tsuro akaumburuka nekuseka
Ndopakafira sarungano!!!!
And this?
Paivapo Tsuro naGudo. Zvino Tsuro akaronga party akabva akoka Gudo. Gudo came with his family and homies and then when they got o the party the tsuros would inspect the Gudo's hands and then they wuld say we cant let you touch the food can you go back and wash your hands. Then the gudos will go back and obviously they would come back with dirty hands this went on until all the food and booze was finished.
Ndopakafira sarongano.
Paivapo tsuro na gudo
Gudo aive nehuchi hwake
akahucherera pasi kuti vamwe vasadye
tsuro akazviona
akachera gomba akaisa madota
tsuro akadya huchu
Gudo akadaidza kuti adtye akaramba achiti achadya hake zvepasi
Gudo akaenda pagomba pake
akabva a kweva dota
Tsuro akaumburuka nekuseka
Ndopakafira sarungano!!!!
And this?
Paivapo Tsuro naGudo. Zvino Tsuro akaronga party akabva akoka Gudo. Gudo came with his family and homies and then when they got o the party the tsuros would inspect the Gudo's hands and then they wuld say we cant let you touch the food can you go back and wash your hands. Then the gudos will go back and obviously they would come back with dirty hands this went on until all the food and booze was finished.
Ndopakafira sarongano.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Its against nature
Jamaica bans sexually expicit and violent songs from its airwaves? Ok fine i agree with doing away with the destructive influence of violent music but Jamaicans dance like that (u know the s*xy gyratin and stuff)...its in their blood! I wnat some of that blood....Very noble of them thou...Anyone remember when pants of any sort were goin to be banned for chix in Zim? That was jus ridiculous...really. Was that the best they could come up with? Im sure we had bigger issues at the time.
I dont understand where im "lacking reason"
The scenario...you have a "friend" who does something that is life affirming so to say and doesnt tell u about it. When I say life affirming i mean LIFE AFFRIMING. So they tell me a few days later and I nearly faint with the shock of it. Anyway I thought about the whole thing and came to a conclusion clearly the person is not my friend... According to the masses I am over-reacting but I dont think so. Is this the way its supposed to work? I tell u everything expose myself to you and discover teh feeling is not mutual. I would like to think I am right in assuming the friendship was questionable to begin with am i not?
Amen to this...
Hater/ By Maya Angelou
A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!
When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...
That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed... It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right? You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...
The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story... If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too! We've all got some haters among us!
Some people envy you because you can: a) Have a relationship with God b) Light up a room when you walk in c) Start your own business d) Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn't about the right thing) e) Raise your children without both parents being in the home
Haters can't stand to see you happy. Haters will never want to see you succeed. Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side. How do you handle your undercover haters? You can handle these haters by:
1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not mean having a job.. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation. Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your time to leave this earth, you 'want' to be able to say, 'I've lived my life and fulfilled 'my' dreams,... Now I'm ready to go HOME!
When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at me...Look at Who is in charge of me...'
A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!
When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...
That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed... It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right? You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...
The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story... If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too! We've all got some haters among us!
Some people envy you because you can: a) Have a relationship with God b) Light up a room when you walk in c) Start your own business d) Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn't about the right thing) e) Raise your children without both parents being in the home
Haters can't stand to see you happy. Haters will never want to see you succeed. Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side. How do you handle your undercover haters? You can handle these haters by:
1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not mean having a job.. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation. Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your time to leave this earth, you 'want' to be able to say, 'I've lived my life and fulfilled 'my' dreams,... Now I'm ready to go HOME!
When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at me...Look at Who is in charge of me...'
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